How do you fill such an empty void?

The emptiness just grows and grows :(

Irrelevance

Funny how when something happens for one person, everyone gets all excited and plans and does shit. Yet when it happens for me no one cares. But you can't will people to care for you can you? So I'll just sit alone 8 months from last week and probably just be sad. Like most times it happens

This is probably the first time that I can think of, that it's made me sad to see someone else happy....sigh

PS 2 people read this, it's nice to post on here haha

I hate the late night really

it's the only time when everything slows down, and all I get to do is think


during the day I'm too busy to ever really just think, so I stay up late, and just think. So much reflection on shit can drive a man insane

It's fun to post on here

Nice little outlet that isn't facebook or aim

Anyway, I still feel alone all the damn time. I dunno how many times but I've had my heart played with in more ways than I'd personally just like to admit, but it's gotten to the point where I don't know how I can open up to anyone anymore. I'm always so scared of telling someone how I feel about them, because I'm always worried of repercussions. And I'm so self-conscious about every god damn thing I say and do that I'll probably overlook any possibly person that sees anything in me because I'll be too busy worrying about myself.

So many absurd failures, missed opportunities and overlooked events. And the ones I've actually been a part of have been detrimental to my being, lol. What a world.

Back to the music, the only thing holding me together these days

Do my best to be completely inclusive as much as I can

Yet in retrospect, so many people enjoy forcing me into the outgroup...

and im quite upset and tired of it :|

Btw Robert

I know you don't read this, or I should say you can't read this.

But I miss you :( I drove by your house tonight, how long has it been? Feels like it was just yesterday when I first met and got to know you, but it was 8 years.

6 of them you've been gone for.... sigh

Talking to like the three people who read this lol

I sorta feel stuck in the middle of things. On one hand I shouldn't care, shouldn't be that big of a deal, but on the other hand I'm still kind of hurt on a really strange scale...

People care about something that has pertained to just about everyone but me. When it was my turn no one gave a fuck. People said, "Oh why didn't you just tell me about it, I would've done something with you" but the thing that people don't realize is that I did, and they just didn't care :/, nor did they even ask me if I wanted to do anything

I guess the reason it bugs me is because people try to do shit for other people, without them having to ask (and go as far as even asking them if they wanted to do something) but when it comes to me I would have to ask and overly direct and try to get people to go do it, as opposed to people just wanting to.

Oh the irony of me realizing that Lisa was right to a degree.