"There is no fate but what we make"
Hm. Maybe I need to stop looking at life as something waiting to happen or something by chance happening. I guess that only leaves the option of grabbing it by the horns.
What do I have to lose haha
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
I don't ask for much out of life, do I
A chance, a shot, an opportunity, an attempt, anything is all I ever really want.
To prove to myself whether I'm capable of anything at all.
The last 2 years of my life seems to have been composed of denying me a chance to even do anything, life's been basically shooting me down whenever I wanted anything at all
It's kind of like another good metaphor. The student who wants to try but is wrong a lot, but still tries, and eventually the teacher goes "Ok who can answer problem 1? .... Who can answer problem 1 besides jimmy...."
Coming to the end of my senior year I've seen quite a few missed opportunities on my part, and I'm willing to accept the inevitable disappointments in myself for them. But there are lots of other things that just won't budge and let me try.
And so I sit here thinking to myself at 1:38 AM, Memorial Day 2009
When's my chance? People tell me wait, but I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of just being me, can't I be someone else? Everything for the last 2 years has been nothing but painful events to be quite honest. Or things that just pain me to see fly by.
It's a month tomorrow that I was diagnosed...feels like it's been several lifetimes over already :|
Is my life supposed to be doomed to be the one you remember as "Oh Mr. Unlucky, I remember him...."
Fuck that shit. Life can suck a fat one twice over :(
To prove to myself whether I'm capable of anything at all.
The last 2 years of my life seems to have been composed of denying me a chance to even do anything, life's been basically shooting me down whenever I wanted anything at all
It's kind of like another good metaphor. The student who wants to try but is wrong a lot, but still tries, and eventually the teacher goes "Ok who can answer problem 1? .... Who can answer problem 1 besides jimmy...."
Coming to the end of my senior year I've seen quite a few missed opportunities on my part, and I'm willing to accept the inevitable disappointments in myself for them. But there are lots of other things that just won't budge and let me try.
And so I sit here thinking to myself at 1:38 AM, Memorial Day 2009
When's my chance? People tell me wait, but I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of just being me, can't I be someone else? Everything for the last 2 years has been nothing but painful events to be quite honest. Or things that just pain me to see fly by.
It's a month tomorrow that I was diagnosed...feels like it's been several lifetimes over already :|
Is my life supposed to be doomed to be the one you remember as "Oh Mr. Unlucky, I remember him...."
Fuck that shit. Life can suck a fat one twice over :(
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
So
It'll fail, and again I'm going to hate myself
but what else is new? Not my luck or my hopes or dreams, that's what
but what else is new? Not my luck or my hopes or dreams, that's what
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
It's only been a week but
I feel like throwing myself in front of a train
:( not only does having a life long illness suck I feel myself being sucked into old habits of thought
Damnit all
:( not only does having a life long illness suck I feel myself being sucked into old habits of thought
Damnit all
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