Just felt like writing something, no one cares anyway right?

Since I doubt anyone reads anything on here, I figured it's a good place to be upset with a wall.

Why is it that if I say anything you get defensive? I always feel like a jerk just for suggesting or doing anything. Just because we aren't on the same page for some stuff makes me feel like you hate that I have a differing feeling than you, and it really does hurt. I'm so careful about what I say now because I'm tired of arguing, I hate arguing. I'm not sure why I even talk anymore about so many things to anyone really. It's so stupid to argue about trivial bullshit, what's the point? It just ends with both parties upset.

I constantly feel like the biggest douche in the universe, because you can agree with me all you want on anything I say, but the body language and tone of voice say much more than words. And it's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to upset you because I don't want to push you away over something stupid. I just don't understand where or why this happened, but I'm sick of it, why can't we both try shit and just go with what ends up being better? All I do is suggest stuff that you passive aggressively shoo away. I dunno how far to relate it to you, but having simple suggestions being dashed to pieces before a real attempt just breaks me apart inside, I've gone through so much in life and dealt with so much nonsense just because people pre-judge everything I do without me doing anything. Sigh, I just don't understand, please don't hate me...

PS I do still read these, and what you said really about me touched me, people say they care about me and this or that, but no one's ever really written anything out like you....and wow how do I even sound grateful in words? I don't know if I can. Even though I think you deleted it, I'm not sure because I dont know how to use this site anymore lol...

PSS, I may put up a facade, but I'm not as strong or hardheaded as I even attempt to make myself out to be. I remember once when I said something that was wrong, and before I had a chance to even correct what I said, 3 people jumped on me and called me retarded and an idiot for assuming what I said. And it took a lot of effort to not cry on the spot.

PSSS. I will admit that if I'm talking about something I actually know about, I will be firm in what I say, but if I'm unsure, my tone makes it very clear what I'm saying. I never will assert myself in a speech I don't fully understand, and the worst part is people yell at me for asking simple questions about what they're saying because I've either heard different or felt different. How come if I PLAY DEVILS ADVOCATE, I'm a piece of shit?

PSSSS. It's a weird thing to think about for me (random side note), that I really shouldn't be alive right now. Like there's a small list of things that I've survived that other people haven't. And it's trippy as shit

It's 4:20 AM, 7 hours and 40 minutes until I register for next semester, a bunch of classes I don't care about, all in hopes to get into a major that I might actually enjoy. See y'all in a bit

Wow this turned out to be longer than I though