I guess I really am the definition of Insanity, doing the exact same thing expecting different results. Dunno maybe it's just some hope lies somewhere about something somehow. Who knows, When it comes to everything else I try to look at the positive side of it, but with myself I always put myself down before everyone else.
No matter how much I want that Queen song to be true (or even that Cheap Trick song), it never will be, I hate myself.
Another thing, it's an interesting new feeling to feel alone while in a group of the best people ever at the same time, it's like an inner clique of a clique that you aren't apart of because of some silly circumstances. I try and be responsible while studying 30 hours a week and it lands me here, a place where no one really likes me or has a shred of respect for me, and a place where I'm not even getting A's in all of my classes. But hey what are you gonna do, I made the choice to do my best in school and if this is the sacrifice that I have to make, then so be it. I can't just cruise through this like I hoped.
Screw this, I do whatever I can to please people, yet all it does it make me feel miserable. I swear no one cares about me but me, yet I don't even care about myself. It's funny, you do whatever you can for as many people as you can, yet I never found anyone to throw me the rope. I give up, what point is there in hoping about anything, my own family puts me through such trivial bullshit too.
Fuck picking yourself up by your own bootstraps, god damn shitty American Work ethic that applies to everyone but me apparently
