I think I have a new favorite song

It took me a long time of ignoring someone's suggestions to listen to this damn album, but it really is absolutely fantastic, and the few people who read this should give it a look.


Against Me! - Reinventing Axl Rose

We want a band that plays loud and hard every night
And doesn't care how many people are counted at the door
That would travel one million miles
and ask for nothing but a plate of food and a place to rest

They'd strike chords that cut like a knife
It'd mean so much more than a t-shirt or a ticket stub
They would stop at nothing short of a massacre
And everyone would leave with the memory there was no place else in the world
And this was where they always belonged

And we would dance like no one was watching
With one fist in the air
Our arenas just basements
and bookstores across an underground America
With this fire we could light
With this fire we could (light)

Just gimme a scene where the music is free
And the beer is not the life of the party
And there's no need to shit talk or impress
'Cause honesty and emotion are not looked down upon

And every promise that's made and bragged
is meant if not kept
We'd do it all because we have to, not because we know why
Beyond a gender, race, and class,
we could find what really holds us back

Let's make everybody sing
That they are the beginning and ending of everything
And we are stronger than everything they taught us that we should fear

Everything these days just seems....I don't know, is fake even a good word for it anymore? It's almost like a large facade, and personally I can't fucking stand it. I mean I'm guilty of it, but I'm not sure it's the same thing. Every night for the last year and a half I've been telling myself in one way or another that, "It's ok Taylor, tomorrow's gonna be your day! Something will go well for you"


And frankly I almost don't know why I bother anymore, why do I psyche myself up for inevitable heartache? Every night I tell myself the same mantra, and every morning I wake up repeat it, just in case something nice happens to me. It just makes me feel bad that I don't think anyone actually cares about me in the long run. I've tried both making myself a presence, and just being a wall flower, and nothing ever gets me noticed or accepted by anyone. And to boot it makes me sad that the days I consider "good" are so far and few between these days. The other day was probably the longest "happy/good" I've felt in ages, and I'm so scared that it'll be the last time in who knows how long I'll feel wanted/cared for again.

And Omar, I'm afraid of it too, more than I put off or act like, I act like it's nothing, but it's my facade really, I don't like acting like I'm not in control of my emotions so I do my best to not show any, it's pretty much why I left Ryan's the other night.

I don't know. I don't want to be hurt anymore, but I want to feel wanted :(


PS: Off topic, but I don't think anyone can relate to this. Do you know how fucking weird of a feeling it is that everything sucks to me sometimes, yet I force myself to live longer with insulin? If I ever felt fucked I could just not give myself any. I am the only person in full control of my well-being, and I continuously force myself to feel bad?

It really is hope, I'm always hoping. Maybe this person will see me one day, and maybe they'll accept me. I just want to be accepted.


And now I'm off to see a movie that I just learned about lol